My 9-year-old granddaughter, born and raised in the US, doesn’t respond to traditional Japanese discipline methods or our self-taught discipline at home.
In the US, it is generally uncommon for grandparents to be involved in discipline, as “freedom” and “individuality” are respected. Therefore, living with grandparents is unpopular, and most people live independently. However, families often gather at the parents’ (grandparents’) homes for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
I’m afraid to tell you about the incident in our Japanese home. I entrusted my grandchild with the key, instructing her to leave a door open, but when I returned, I found the door locked and couldn’t enter. Upon investigation, I discovered the key left on the floor near the outside of the door. I expressed concern over her disregard for the agreement (not keeping her word) and the potential security risk. Its response differed from what I might expect from a Japanese child.
In this situation, my daughter (the child’s mother) viewed the child’s actions as correct, implying that my admonishment was unwarranted. As a result, my grandchild secluded herself in her room and reportedly brought food from the kitchen to her room to eat at 3:30 AM the following day.
It can be challenging when different cultural perspectives and expectations clash within a family. Communication and understanding among family members are essential in resolving conflicts and finding common ground. It may be helpful to have open and respectful discussions with my daughter about my concerns, expectations, and the importance of safety and following agreements.
I was concerned about this, so on that day, I went to my grandchild’s room to chat and discuss another plan. As a result, my grandchild returned to the living room, and we had lunch together. In the evening, they also visited my room. I felt like they could be a good playmate. Neither my daughter nor my grandchild offered any apologies. I did mention to them that “Mom (my daughter) told Grandpa” about it.
The situation got well, but it’s probably fine. My grandchild is half Japanese (25%) and half American (50%), but when asked “What are you?” in terms of nationality or race, they don’t say “American.” Instead, they respond that they were born (in Oklahoma).
I will continue to handle situations by considering specific examples as they arise, as this interaction with my grandchildren is both enjoyable and challenging. Many grandparents have experience in this regard as they navigate the ups and downs of intergenerational relationships. I would greatly appreciate any valuable advice you may have to offer.
During subsequent conversations, there was word of an “invitation to our home in the US” in our discussions. If we take a deeper perspective, it could be a suggestion to “learn about the home ground approach.” It was an opportunity for growth. My grandchild often says, “It’s okay to do this or that in the US.” So, the story I shared involved a bilingual girl with three different cultural styles.